I've been having an issue for awhile now and it just got brought up in a leaders meeting at the church on sunday. Do you ever feel like you are alone in your spiritual walk? Like your prayers mean nothing? Sometimes it seems like when I pray, God doesn't hear me. So I've been dealing with that, then I had my one on one with Chris yesterday and he nailed it. He asked me who I have in my life that I can talk to, that pushes me, encourages me and helps me through life...not Libby, but a man in my life. And I realized that it was my brother. Joe was the guy who was in the same "job" as me, but wasn't at the same place as me. He knows me so well that when I would have issues, he was able to help me with them, but he was also that guy that would just let me talk about things and he would listen. Then he left for South Africa and I've noticed since he's been gone, I've kept a lot more to myself. So as I'm talking to Chris, it begins to hit me and I begin to fight the tears because I'm here in Anderson...yet, I'm alone. I have so many great people around me and some awesome friends, but I don't have that access to my brother like I used to and I think it's finally sinking in that I may never have that. But through all of this I am learning how blessed I am with the family God gave me. Because my dad is another man in my life that I can be so open and real with. Granted, he's my dad and he'll love me no matter what. But how many people can really just open up to their parents and share their hearts? I think the reason I share this has 2 reasons: 1) Be thankful for the family/people in your life. If you have that person that you can just be real with and they are the same with, be thankful!! 2) My brother is coming home this week and I'm excited cuz I'm really missin him and his family a lot. Never thought I'd say that growing up! ha. Joe and I ALWAYS fought and my mom always said, "when you guys are older, you'll be best friends" I can hear my mom now "I told you so!". Good job mom :-)
The other thing that's kind of been wearing me down is my job. I love my job and what I do, but with my job, comes people that don't like me. Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? 80% of the people in your life like you and 20% don't? Well, I've been good for awhile about not hearing about the 20%, but for some reason I did last night. We had youth kids over at the house and one of the girls said she was leaving school to come over there and another mom said, "let me tell you something about Gabe" - she said she wasn't trying to keep the girl from coming over, but to let her know her opinion of me. I guess the reason she didn't like me has something to do with her oldest son and I not clicking? Or maybe I did something to her son that she probably heard wrong. If only she knew the times I had with her son, the decisions he made that we talked over and he decided he needed to change things around. If only she knew the influence I had on her son...would she feel the same about me? What's hard is that I know her son, and I'm sure he went home and maybe said some things that weren't completely true because I upset him. Who knows. But I did something today I never thought I would do...I called her! Wow, talk about a heart wrenching! ha. I've never had my heart rate get so high from sitting at a desk. But I called and left her a message letting her know I'd like to run some things by her because of what this girl said and how it raised some concern for me. I understand people won't like me. When I have 80 kids at a youth thing - I won't do everything perfect that every parent will be happy with. I've come to learn to live with that. But when the parents start trying to keep other kids from getting involved, now it's time to step in.
How would you feel as a mom or dad having a 24 year old young man confront you on something? I've gotta say, it's scary for me. It's hard enough to earn the respect from these people cuz of my age. But I've also learned over the past 3 years that a lot of times when the people don't like me, is because of selfish reasons. It's probably hard for a 40 year old person who is still figuring things out for their life see a 24 year old come around with it "all together" and trying to coach them through life as well. I'm not saying I have it all together at all...but when I am helping your kid more that you are, it probably seems that way. So it's understandable not everyone will like me. I've come to deal with that. But instead of telling people you don't like me, why don't you talk to me about it? That's the funny thing. These parents are worse than the kids when it comes to gossip! Ministry never ends, influencing people never ends, seems like problems never end. But until I'm done, I'll just keep on pressin on and pray that I remain where God wants me and my eyes stay fixed on Him. I'm too much of a people pleaser and it's killin me...I need to find my security in Christ, not people. Do you ever wish God would rewire your mind? A lot on my mind obviously...seems like I've been a roller coaster lately...so clearly I don't have it all together :-)
2 comments:
Dude you rock!! Keep up the great work and challenging yourself!
I always thought it was 20% that liked you and 80% that wanted your job stripped from you. Pick up Gene Edwards "Tale of 3 Kings". It's changing my perspective on all the spear throwers in my life/career... and cling to the ministry partners you have outside your context. Chances are, your team is getting the same junk from those who give it to you.
I love you man... see you in about 76 hours... jet lagged, weary and excited to catch up.
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