Pointless ramblings...

My heart is full right now. I could possibly write a book on what all is going on in my head. I'm thinking about my family, how awesome they are; the student ministry, how much i love them; debating with people, how much it exhausts me; new discoveries in God, someone will want to debate them and then I'll get exhausted. So what to write about tonight....I'm stuck. Maybe write on prayer?
Here's my deal - tonight at youth was incredible. It got real deep and I didn't even mean for that to happen. I was talking about community and how we all need people in our lives to be in relationship with. These relationships are crucial for when we go through a hard time in life. We talked about Kerry (he is a senior who was diagnosed with Leukemia last week) and his sister was there. At the end, we gathered around her and prayed for Kerry. When the night was over, a lady that helps out with youth told me that next time, I need to pray that we accept God's will, whatever that might be. I wasn't sure how to take that, as if my prayer was bad or something. I know it wasn't and I know my heart was genuine, so it didn't bother me like she was telling me I pray bad (can you even pray bad?!) but it did get me thinking...how do we pray? Obviously, there is the Lord's prayer we Jesus even says, this is how you should pray! We know God has a will (plan) for our lives, but can that plan change? Sometimes it's like God has the answer, but until we ask for it...we don't get it. Think about Jabez - God had a blessing for him, but he didn't get it until he asked for it. Then I read in Romans 8:26-27 that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and interprets our prayer to God according to His will. So essentially, our prayers are always in line with God's will. So is there really a method to praying? Do we stick to the Lord's prayer?
If I went to the Doctor and wanted to get better, I wouldn't say to him, "Doc, I know you know what's wrong with me...so if it's your will, please heal me" NO!!! I say "Doc, FIX ME!!". To me, it's almost like praying a prayer and at the end asking for God's will to be done that we lack faith. We can't ask for anything from God because we don't know if it's in line with His plan. But go back to Romans, it will be according to His plan. Look up verses on prayer - you see example after example of people praying and God answering their prayers. But when Paul asked God to remove the thorn from his side, He said no. So our prayers don't always go according to planned, but clearly there is a reason to pray, right? I mean, when I was looking up verses on people praying, it's almost sounds like "Because they prayed, they received their answer".

Guys, I know this blog is totally confusing and you're probably messed up in the head right now. I'm not writing this to open up debate with you because honestly, I don't know what I'm thinking. It's a process right now that I'm trying to figure out. Maybe I never will! But I do know one thing, I will never stop praying. Whether you think I speak the right way or not, I know God sees my heart and you can't, so for me, that's enough. He is the one that answers prayers, no one else, so I can find peace in knowing it's not up to anyone on this earth to answer my prayers, I just need God to search my heart. Any advice in this journey would be appreciated though! Kylee - that's a job for you :-)