Missin my bro and the joys of my job!

I've been having an issue for awhile now and it just got brought up in a leaders meeting at the church on sunday. Do you ever feel like you are alone in your spiritual walk? Like your prayers mean nothing? Sometimes it seems like when I pray, God doesn't hear me. So I've been dealing with that, then I had my one on one with Chris yesterday and he nailed it. He asked me who I have in my life that I can talk to, that pushes me, encourages me and helps me through life...not Libby, but a man in my life. And I realized that it was my brother. Joe was the guy who was in the same "job" as me, but wasn't at the same place as me. He knows me so well that when I would have issues, he was able to help me with them, but he was also that guy that would just let me talk about things and he would listen. Then he left for South Africa and I've noticed since he's been gone, I've kept a lot more to myself. So as I'm talking to Chris, it begins to hit me and I begin to fight the tears because I'm here in Anderson...yet, I'm alone. I have so many great people around me and some awesome friends, but I don't have that access to my brother like I used to and I think it's finally sinking in that I may never have that. But through all of this I am learning how blessed I am with the family God gave me. Because my dad is another man in my life that I can be so open and real with. Granted, he's my dad and he'll love me no matter what. But how many people can really just open up to their parents and share their hearts? I think the reason I share this has 2 reasons: 1) Be thankful for the family/people in your life. If you have that person that you can just be real with and they are the same with, be thankful!! 2) My brother is coming home this week and I'm excited cuz I'm really missin him and his family a lot. Never thought I'd say that growing up! ha. Joe and I ALWAYS fought and my mom always said, "when you guys are older, you'll be best friends" I can hear my mom now "I told you so!". Good job mom :-)

The other thing that's kind of been wearing me down is my job. I love my job and what I do, but with my job, comes people that don't like me. Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? 80% of the people in your life like you and 20% don't? Well, I've been good for awhile about not hearing about the 20%, but for some reason I did last night. We had youth kids over at the house and one of the girls said she was leaving school to come over there and another mom said, "let me tell you something about Gabe" - she said she wasn't trying to keep the girl from coming over, but to let her know her opinion of me. I guess the reason she didn't like me has something to do with her oldest son and I not clicking? Or maybe I did something to her son that she probably heard wrong. If only she knew the times I had with her son, the decisions he made that we talked over and he decided he needed to change things around. If only she knew the influence I had on her son...would she feel the same about me? What's hard is that I know her son, and I'm sure he went home and maybe said some things that weren't completely true because I upset him. Who knows. But I did something today I never thought I would do...I called her! Wow, talk about a heart wrenching! ha. I've never had my heart rate get so high from sitting at a desk. But I called and left her a message letting her know I'd like to run some things by her because of what this girl said and how it raised some concern for me. I understand people won't like me. When I have 80 kids at a youth thing - I won't do everything perfect that every parent will be happy with. I've come to learn to live with that. But when the parents start trying to keep other kids from getting involved, now it's time to step in.

How would you feel as a mom or dad having a 24 year old young man confront you on something? I've gotta say, it's scary for me. It's hard enough to earn the respect from these people cuz of my age. But I've also learned over the past 3 years that a lot of times when the people don't like me, is because of selfish reasons. It's probably hard for a 40 year old person who is still figuring things out for their life see a 24 year old come around with it "all together" and trying to coach them through life as well. I'm not saying I have it all together at all...but when I am helping your kid more that you are, it probably seems that way. So it's understandable not everyone will like me. I've come to deal with that. But instead of telling people you don't like me, why don't you talk to me about it? That's the funny thing. These parents are worse than the kids when it comes to gossip! Ministry never ends, influencing people never ends, seems like problems never end. But until I'm done, I'll just keep on pressin on and pray that I remain where God wants me and my eyes stay fixed on Him. I'm too much of a people pleaser and it's killin me...I need to find my security in Christ, not people. Do you ever wish God would rewire your mind? A lot on my mind obviously...seems like I've been a roller coaster lately...so clearly I don't have it all together :-)

God on his throne

So the election is finally over...now let's see how long people keep arguing about it. It's funny though, I paid 1.95 for gas yesterday, Bush's economics must be so bad! Atleast the ignorant people think he's bad, whatever. I've learned a lot over the past several months from people - myself included. That people are uneducated about their decisions on things and people look to politicians to save them. I heard a friend of mine talking about Obama and why he has such a following- it's because of his passion! People want a leader with passion!! But where is your passion? So many people got into this election, which they should have, but how come that passion never bleeds over to any other areas of your life? I listened to someone in my life rant and rave about Obama and how great this "change" is going to be...but in all the years I've known him, I've never heard passion about his relationship with God. Not saying it's non-existent, but how come that is something we never get passionate about?

I am leading worship this sunday for our youth service (which I've never done!) and as I was practicing, I kinda had a break down. The song by Shane and Shane called "You Said" came into my head and I lost it. As the angels sing "HOLY HOLY HOLY, is the Lord God almighty...." I found myself crying that out. As God shows Himself to Moses, He says, "this is HOLY GROUND!" - "Where I am, where I go IS HOLY!" The angels have passion as they sing. I had passion today for my God. But why is that passion lost? Why is there only passion during crap like this election?

I work with a guy, Phil. If you want passion, talk to Phil. His heart for God, for others, for serving...defines passion to me. I love to just be with him and his wife with Libby and just talk to them both. The passion just pours out of their hearts and it doesn't come once every 4 years. When you have caught a glimpse of God, the passion will burn from within.

Where is your passion? Can people even see the heart of God in your life? I pray they can! I pray my life exemplifies God in all I do. That when I am gone and leave this place, people won't remember me for supporting McCain, but for being a man after God's heart, a man with passion for His kingdom.

As this new guy comes and takes over our country and leads us into "change" (socialism is change! ha) - Remember, God still sits on His throne. No one shall overtake Him, He still rules. I have to find my peace in that. To be honest, it's a struggle for me right now. Sometimes it feels like God is distant for me...but daily, I'm trying to humble myself, to surrender my ways, and to catch that glimpse of God...to renew my passion for Him, daily.

Check out my brother's blog "Joe and Natalie". It helps put things in perspective, atleast for me. Talking about the refugees in South Africa and what they are going through, while us pathetic Americans sit and complain about elections and we argue and bicker over stupid stuff which causes division among the people. When we should come together for a great purpose and attempt to accomplish something worth talking about! I wrote a note on being the hands and feet of God...I'll post that on here sometime. But anyway, I'm proud of you Joe. I appreciate you helping keep things in perspective for me.

Just a Glimpse

I apologize in advance if this blog makes no sense. I threw my back out I think, and it hurts really bad so I took some pain killers that make me really drowsy. But my heart is full, once again. I am full of joy because I feel like God is continually teaching me new things and I see His hand on my life more and more...how could I not find joy in that? When we seek Him, we experience His blessing and when you begin to learn more about Him and draw closer, you can't but want to share it with people. So I pray what I'm about to write makes sense :-)

I was reading in Exodus 33 when God tells Moses that He is going to meet with him. But as He passes by, He will put His hand over Moses' face to protect him. Then, as he passes by, He will remove His hand so Moses can catch a glimpse of God.

This passage grabs my attention. Moses told God to show him His presence. How often do you seek out God's presence? How often do we sit at the foot of the cross and cry out "HOLY HOLY HOLY!!!" We get caught up in the daily grind of things and we miss our chance to be in the cleft of the rock to experience God. We have this opportunity to know God. Let me rephrase that, God wants us in relationship with Him, to know Him, to seek Him...to love Him. He is right there waiting, He goes before us, His glory shines around us. But you have your back to Him, you miss Him completely! Do you truly want to experience God? Then what does your life look like? What choices are you making to experience His presence?

Obama can not save our country, Biden can not save our country, McCain can not save our country, Palin can not save our country. Until we as the body seek God, we can not save our country. 2 Chronicles 7:14 "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land"

God promises to heal our land! But too many of us are getting so wrapped up in politics and what each candidate is saying that we look to them as our savior. Why have we taken God out of the picture? I'm not one of those "Jesus for president" guys - but I am a "Jesus is Lord" guys and I pray that I will continue to seek God's presence in my own life, that I will humble myself before Him. I believe that if the body makes this their prayer, that a revolution will finally take place in this world!!! Why has this been lost in the mess of the world? I pray that this message reaches atleast one person...that this message will get passed on and spread like wildfire and that it is finally caught by the church.

What this country needs is a glimpse of God. For Him to pass before us to catch JUST A GLIMPSE of Him. How can you truly say you've caught a glimpse of God and your life not be changed? Take a moment, be still, be quiet and let God show Himself to you today. Join me in prayer for our own lives. God has not left us, but we seem to have left Him. Humble yourself and pray, catch a glimpse of God and let's be the people that are used by God to heal this land.