Today was an awesome bad day. Does that even make sense? I hope so. I got to hang out with some really cool people tonight and it was very refreshing for me to be around people that are not part of the Bridge or our business team. So it was cool to "just be". That was the awesomeness to my day, I got to meet new people without any of them really knowing me and I could just sit there and listen to stories and not even think about anything. Kind of weird, I know, but it was great.

I know I posted my last post about some feelings I've been having. I'm still searching for God's lesson in that...but today I think I may have begun to see the light. I'm realizing how much the enemy hates me. I am not sure people outside of ministry roles really understand that there truly is a spiritual battle all around us. This past week, I began to feel it, to really experience it. There is a time when Elisha was about to be attacked by his enemies and his servant dude came running in all scared. Elisha then prayed telling God to open his eyes. When his eyes were opened, he saw God's army around the enemy to protect them. But this week, I felt as though God was holding off his army and letting the enemy knock me down. This has been an incredible summer and we have seen so much happen in the lives of students and I know the enemy hates us for that. But I continue to feel attacked and it feels like a constant battle for my heart and my mind. I was finally beginning to grasp ahold of something this morning, but had to stop to take care of some other business. Before I could get back to it, it's like another attack happened. Something happened to me in a way that it should not have happened, but I had no control over that...but I think it happened to me for a reason. Here is why...
I was beginning to discover myself this morning, to see my real beauty in God's eyes. But before I was able to really dive into it, my phone got a text that I needed to go pick something up to set up. As I got to the school to set up, only one guy showed up. The other people I called had to work and 1 was out of town, and there was miscommunication between Joel and I on who to call so no one else was there. Then I went to lunch and had an interesting conversation about how I was doing my job. I understand that in dealing with a lot of people, I will tick off people...that comes with the job. As I was listening to this guy talk to me, I had a few different feelings going through me. Let me tell you what I "heard" - you dropped the ball, you wasted the summer, nothing is ready and you are a terrible leader. Let me tell you what he said, atleast what I believe his heart to be - you are a great leader, but you're not taking it to your potential, what has happened in the youth program with the students has been incredible, but we need to focus on adults as well, and our communication really needs work. I know you read this, so know that now, I see it...it took me awhile

I want you to see God's hand in this....

I left and had all day to process about Aftershock and my experience earlier in the day. It's 1 am right now and I finally broke down. As I was looking back, what I "heard" was very audible to me, I truly believed my friend was sitting here attacking me and after the past 2 weeks...this was the last thing I could take. The thought of finding a new job came in front of me, I felt like I was the person that should sit in a cubicle and just do office work. I sat at my computer tonight looking over things for Aftershock and prayed that God would open my eyes. (sounds like Elisha's prayer...didn't think about that). Guys, the enemy is real and all around us. I began to listen to his voice and believe his lies. My eyes were opened to a God that is pulling me to Him and holding the enemy back.
I began to pray and as I had my eyes closed, I could see this darkness around me closing in. It was hard to even process the words in my head, but I just began to ask God to hold me. I needed comfort, I needed reassurance. As I prayed for Him to protect me and send his angels in to keep the enemy away, the darkness began to leave me. The craziest thing about it, my lightbulbs got brighter. And I just sat there with my eyes closed and just found rest in Him - not even kidding you, there was a physical feeling of something in my chest being lifted and it caused me to open my eyes and right in front of me Libby had written 2 different verses and they were on a bulletin board and one on the outside of a pencil box. Both had the words "Unfailing love" written on them.

I was reminded tonight hanging out with those friends how refreshing it is to "just be"...it's the same with God. How renewed, how refreshed can you be by just being you in the presence of God. I can look back on this day and see where He brought me and what He taught me. Now I pray I can sleep and Aftershock is just filled with God's love in the room and that these 100 kids will leave experiencing Him in a new way, like I did tonight. Thank you God.