Reconciliation

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.

I have read this verse countless times and I can even preach it…but can I live it? 16 years ago marks the beginning of a HUGE journey I went on. I started junior high. I’ll never forget those years, I hated them more than anything. I was the kid that got bullied. I won’t get into my whole story, those of you reading this probably know my story. But when I think of those years, I can name the people who had a hand in making it miserable. Well, this past month, 1 of those guys’ names kept coming up in conversation. Every time it did, it brought back all the pain and my hate for that guy. Last week, my pastor told me about this worship leader coming to lead a program we have at our church called “Celebrate Recovery”. They were building him up to be something great and that I should come check him out. When they said his name, those feelings were back and I was vocal about it. Last night, I was in my men’s group and his name came up again. Seriously, I couldn’t get away from it. So I opened up about how I felt about this guy and what he did to me. Derek said, “Dude, you need to let that go!” I mean, it was 15-16 years ago. But it shaped me so much, I couldn’t let it go. So they all encouraged me to face him and talk about it. I laughed about it and knew that would never happen. I’m the kind of guy that just holds stuff in. Talking with Chris and Phil today, I just really felt like I needed to do this. So evening came and I didn’t want to go in there. I walked into our auditorium and stood in the back for the first 20 minutes, I didn’t want to go anywhere near this guy. I felt this nudge saying, “go up there, see him up close, listen to him”. I got to hear a bit of his heart tonight. I was fighting tears the whole night. I’m not sure if you get the magnitude of this…I’ve held these feelings in for so long and now I’m faced with my “demon” that’s had a hold on part of me. Afterwards, I got to talk to him and of course, he didn’t even remember me for awhile. But I got to know him and his story a little bit, then I told him mine. I told him how I needed to clear this and get it out because I’ve held onto it for far too long. Amazingly, he wasn’t blown away, but so apologetic and asked that I would forgive him. Once I did, I felt this release. It seriously was a warm tingle throughout my body and for the first time, I felt like I could let it go. I cried, he hugged me. It was beautiful. I found out why he wasn’t blown away – I wasn’t the first to do this to him. But he assured me that he wasn’t walking with the Lord at that time and he is not that guy anymore. He now has 3 kids and said his boys have no ounce of ‘mean’ in them and he knows he doesn’t want his kids to be like how he was in middle school. Our lives intersected again for a reason, his name was brought up over a month ago to me for a reason. Tonight brought some healing for my life. I needed that, God knew I needed that.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of God.

Reconciliation, it’s hard, but beautiful. Thankful that Christ shows us that same love when we hurt Him. He is quick to embrace and forgive. I think I caught a glimpse of Christ’s love even more. Thankful for these lessons, as hard as they might be.