Missin my bro and the joys of my job!

I've been having an issue for awhile now and it just got brought up in a leaders meeting at the church on sunday. Do you ever feel like you are alone in your spiritual walk? Like your prayers mean nothing? Sometimes it seems like when I pray, God doesn't hear me. So I've been dealing with that, then I had my one on one with Chris yesterday and he nailed it. He asked me who I have in my life that I can talk to, that pushes me, encourages me and helps me through life...not Libby, but a man in my life. And I realized that it was my brother. Joe was the guy who was in the same "job" as me, but wasn't at the same place as me. He knows me so well that when I would have issues, he was able to help me with them, but he was also that guy that would just let me talk about things and he would listen. Then he left for South Africa and I've noticed since he's been gone, I've kept a lot more to myself. So as I'm talking to Chris, it begins to hit me and I begin to fight the tears because I'm here in Anderson...yet, I'm alone. I have so many great people around me and some awesome friends, but I don't have that access to my brother like I used to and I think it's finally sinking in that I may never have that. But through all of this I am learning how blessed I am with the family God gave me. Because my dad is another man in my life that I can be so open and real with. Granted, he's my dad and he'll love me no matter what. But how many people can really just open up to their parents and share their hearts? I think the reason I share this has 2 reasons: 1) Be thankful for the family/people in your life. If you have that person that you can just be real with and they are the same with, be thankful!! 2) My brother is coming home this week and I'm excited cuz I'm really missin him and his family a lot. Never thought I'd say that growing up! ha. Joe and I ALWAYS fought and my mom always said, "when you guys are older, you'll be best friends" I can hear my mom now "I told you so!". Good job mom :-)

The other thing that's kind of been wearing me down is my job. I love my job and what I do, but with my job, comes people that don't like me. Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? 80% of the people in your life like you and 20% don't? Well, I've been good for awhile about not hearing about the 20%, but for some reason I did last night. We had youth kids over at the house and one of the girls said she was leaving school to come over there and another mom said, "let me tell you something about Gabe" - she said she wasn't trying to keep the girl from coming over, but to let her know her opinion of me. I guess the reason she didn't like me has something to do with her oldest son and I not clicking? Or maybe I did something to her son that she probably heard wrong. If only she knew the times I had with her son, the decisions he made that we talked over and he decided he needed to change things around. If only she knew the influence I had on her son...would she feel the same about me? What's hard is that I know her son, and I'm sure he went home and maybe said some things that weren't completely true because I upset him. Who knows. But I did something today I never thought I would do...I called her! Wow, talk about a heart wrenching! ha. I've never had my heart rate get so high from sitting at a desk. But I called and left her a message letting her know I'd like to run some things by her because of what this girl said and how it raised some concern for me. I understand people won't like me. When I have 80 kids at a youth thing - I won't do everything perfect that every parent will be happy with. I've come to learn to live with that. But when the parents start trying to keep other kids from getting involved, now it's time to step in.

How would you feel as a mom or dad having a 24 year old young man confront you on something? I've gotta say, it's scary for me. It's hard enough to earn the respect from these people cuz of my age. But I've also learned over the past 3 years that a lot of times when the people don't like me, is because of selfish reasons. It's probably hard for a 40 year old person who is still figuring things out for their life see a 24 year old come around with it "all together" and trying to coach them through life as well. I'm not saying I have it all together at all...but when I am helping your kid more that you are, it probably seems that way. So it's understandable not everyone will like me. I've come to deal with that. But instead of telling people you don't like me, why don't you talk to me about it? That's the funny thing. These parents are worse than the kids when it comes to gossip! Ministry never ends, influencing people never ends, seems like problems never end. But until I'm done, I'll just keep on pressin on and pray that I remain where God wants me and my eyes stay fixed on Him. I'm too much of a people pleaser and it's killin me...I need to find my security in Christ, not people. Do you ever wish God would rewire your mind? A lot on my mind obviously...seems like I've been a roller coaster lately...so clearly I don't have it all together :-)

God on his throne

So the election is finally over...now let's see how long people keep arguing about it. It's funny though, I paid 1.95 for gas yesterday, Bush's economics must be so bad! Atleast the ignorant people think he's bad, whatever. I've learned a lot over the past several months from people - myself included. That people are uneducated about their decisions on things and people look to politicians to save them. I heard a friend of mine talking about Obama and why he has such a following- it's because of his passion! People want a leader with passion!! But where is your passion? So many people got into this election, which they should have, but how come that passion never bleeds over to any other areas of your life? I listened to someone in my life rant and rave about Obama and how great this "change" is going to be...but in all the years I've known him, I've never heard passion about his relationship with God. Not saying it's non-existent, but how come that is something we never get passionate about?

I am leading worship this sunday for our youth service (which I've never done!) and as I was practicing, I kinda had a break down. The song by Shane and Shane called "You Said" came into my head and I lost it. As the angels sing "HOLY HOLY HOLY, is the Lord God almighty...." I found myself crying that out. As God shows Himself to Moses, He says, "this is HOLY GROUND!" - "Where I am, where I go IS HOLY!" The angels have passion as they sing. I had passion today for my God. But why is that passion lost? Why is there only passion during crap like this election?

I work with a guy, Phil. If you want passion, talk to Phil. His heart for God, for others, for serving...defines passion to me. I love to just be with him and his wife with Libby and just talk to them both. The passion just pours out of their hearts and it doesn't come once every 4 years. When you have caught a glimpse of God, the passion will burn from within.

Where is your passion? Can people even see the heart of God in your life? I pray they can! I pray my life exemplifies God in all I do. That when I am gone and leave this place, people won't remember me for supporting McCain, but for being a man after God's heart, a man with passion for His kingdom.

As this new guy comes and takes over our country and leads us into "change" (socialism is change! ha) - Remember, God still sits on His throne. No one shall overtake Him, He still rules. I have to find my peace in that. To be honest, it's a struggle for me right now. Sometimes it feels like God is distant for me...but daily, I'm trying to humble myself, to surrender my ways, and to catch that glimpse of God...to renew my passion for Him, daily.

Check out my brother's blog "Joe and Natalie". It helps put things in perspective, atleast for me. Talking about the refugees in South Africa and what they are going through, while us pathetic Americans sit and complain about elections and we argue and bicker over stupid stuff which causes division among the people. When we should come together for a great purpose and attempt to accomplish something worth talking about! I wrote a note on being the hands and feet of God...I'll post that on here sometime. But anyway, I'm proud of you Joe. I appreciate you helping keep things in perspective for me.

Just a Glimpse

I apologize in advance if this blog makes no sense. I threw my back out I think, and it hurts really bad so I took some pain killers that make me really drowsy. But my heart is full, once again. I am full of joy because I feel like God is continually teaching me new things and I see His hand on my life more and more...how could I not find joy in that? When we seek Him, we experience His blessing and when you begin to learn more about Him and draw closer, you can't but want to share it with people. So I pray what I'm about to write makes sense :-)

I was reading in Exodus 33 when God tells Moses that He is going to meet with him. But as He passes by, He will put His hand over Moses' face to protect him. Then, as he passes by, He will remove His hand so Moses can catch a glimpse of God.

This passage grabs my attention. Moses told God to show him His presence. How often do you seek out God's presence? How often do we sit at the foot of the cross and cry out "HOLY HOLY HOLY!!!" We get caught up in the daily grind of things and we miss our chance to be in the cleft of the rock to experience God. We have this opportunity to know God. Let me rephrase that, God wants us in relationship with Him, to know Him, to seek Him...to love Him. He is right there waiting, He goes before us, His glory shines around us. But you have your back to Him, you miss Him completely! Do you truly want to experience God? Then what does your life look like? What choices are you making to experience His presence?

Obama can not save our country, Biden can not save our country, McCain can not save our country, Palin can not save our country. Until we as the body seek God, we can not save our country. 2 Chronicles 7:14 "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land"

God promises to heal our land! But too many of us are getting so wrapped up in politics and what each candidate is saying that we look to them as our savior. Why have we taken God out of the picture? I'm not one of those "Jesus for president" guys - but I am a "Jesus is Lord" guys and I pray that I will continue to seek God's presence in my own life, that I will humble myself before Him. I believe that if the body makes this their prayer, that a revolution will finally take place in this world!!! Why has this been lost in the mess of the world? I pray that this message reaches atleast one person...that this message will get passed on and spread like wildfire and that it is finally caught by the church.

What this country needs is a glimpse of God. For Him to pass before us to catch JUST A GLIMPSE of Him. How can you truly say you've caught a glimpse of God and your life not be changed? Take a moment, be still, be quiet and let God show Himself to you today. Join me in prayer for our own lives. God has not left us, but we seem to have left Him. Humble yourself and pray, catch a glimpse of God and let's be the people that are used by God to heal this land.

I'm here.

It has been too long since I have said hello to the blog world. My husband has been filling up our blog with lessons he has been learning and the thoughts swirling in his head. I thought it time to say hello again. I don't have time to upload any pictures to make this post cool because I am really supposed to be grading some journals, math homework, and reading questions. I think I am procrastinating. The house is quiet because my amazing husband (who works so hard at his job!) is hanging out with our church's youth group tonight. I don't always go to youth on Wednesday if it has been a long day at school with my own eighteen squirrely children. I can't believe the first grading period is through for my fifth graders. I had parent/teacher conferences last week before fall break. I was pooped and yes, I did have two awful kanker (sp?) sores because of the stress which Gabe announced. Yet, through all of the work and overtime I do for my kids, I absolutely love going to school and being around my students. For fifth graders, they say funny and weird things that crack me up each day. They know how to take a little sarcasm and we are connecting more than I ever thought we would. My brain gets a constant workout everyday too as I am making hundreds of decisions and tending to the needs and questions of eighteen busy bodies. My brain likes it. I hope it will keep me sharp for years to come.... :)
For the month of October, Gabe and my weekends were b-u-s-y. It seemed like we didn't rest. I am proud to say that not much is happening this weekend for which I am extremely grateful. I hope to just be home (I love my home!) , work a little, have people over for dinner, drink a whole cup of coffee from a real mug instead of a travel mug, sleep in, make a pumpkin roll, and have free time to myself. Maybe I will get those things in.....just maybe. For now, I will settle on the couch with hot chocolate and grade my ever-growing stack of scribbly papers.

No Debate Necessary

I'm writing again, and Libby wants all of the readers to know she isn't dead. She's working hard and has 2 canker sores because of stress.

Now, onto what I want to talk about...
The election is coming up and I'm still stuck! I read about our candidates and take quizzes to see who I agree with more and who I believe would be the best to run our country. I've realized (maybe just cuz I'm older and don't have a lot of experience) but this seems to be the most debated election process ever! There are pros and cons to both parties. But what gets me is the people that get angry with each other. I am pretty sure who I'm voting for, but I know once I say it, it will open up debate. I'm getting sick of this. We can debate until we're blue in the face, but where does it get us?

I miss Mike Huckabee. He was the man and I was pretty pumped to think he would be our next president. But as I was reading a friend of mine's blog tonight about the election and watching people comment back and forth on it, I thought about Huckabee and why I liked him (the fact that he would speak about his faith and was not ashamed...all that jive). I know I want a God-fearing man to run our country, but from the looks of it, that's not going to happen.

We have the right to vote for the person running our country and we should be thankful for that. Too many people just don't vote because they think whoever wins is the person that is supposed to win. But instead of debating who should be in the office, do we ever step back and put God back into the picture? When Huckabee was running, I thought a lot about God's plan for our country. Now that we have these 2 guys running, we overlook God. Do you ever picture God up there waving his arms saying, "HELLO!! I'm still here! Don't forget about me because I have NOT forgotten about you!!" So why not be praying for our next elected official instead of debating who it should be. Sure, we all have our view and we're all different. Most people can't seem to agree to disagree...everything turns to debate. How about you take a moment to pray about this election - what would happen then? Do we even pray for the people running our country? I don't want to get back into my prayer topic - but I don't want to overlook the fact that God is not out of this country. This country was founded by a group of Christian men built on Christian principles. Then enemy has been crafty at trying to get God out of this country, let's join forces (like on captain planet! haha) and come together as believers and PRAY FOR OUR COUNTRY!! God has not left us, no politicians can take God out of our country. There is always a war going on, and we've watched the enemy slowly take hold over the years. Join me in these next few weeks to pray for this election. We are one nation UNDER GOD - never forget it.

Pointless ramblings...

My heart is full right now. I could possibly write a book on what all is going on in my head. I'm thinking about my family, how awesome they are; the student ministry, how much i love them; debating with people, how much it exhausts me; new discoveries in God, someone will want to debate them and then I'll get exhausted. So what to write about tonight....I'm stuck. Maybe write on prayer?
Here's my deal - tonight at youth was incredible. It got real deep and I didn't even mean for that to happen. I was talking about community and how we all need people in our lives to be in relationship with. These relationships are crucial for when we go through a hard time in life. We talked about Kerry (he is a senior who was diagnosed with Leukemia last week) and his sister was there. At the end, we gathered around her and prayed for Kerry. When the night was over, a lady that helps out with youth told me that next time, I need to pray that we accept God's will, whatever that might be. I wasn't sure how to take that, as if my prayer was bad or something. I know it wasn't and I know my heart was genuine, so it didn't bother me like she was telling me I pray bad (can you even pray bad?!) but it did get me thinking...how do we pray? Obviously, there is the Lord's prayer we Jesus even says, this is how you should pray! We know God has a will (plan) for our lives, but can that plan change? Sometimes it's like God has the answer, but until we ask for it...we don't get it. Think about Jabez - God had a blessing for him, but he didn't get it until he asked for it. Then I read in Romans 8:26-27 that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and interprets our prayer to God according to His will. So essentially, our prayers are always in line with God's will. So is there really a method to praying? Do we stick to the Lord's prayer?
If I went to the Doctor and wanted to get better, I wouldn't say to him, "Doc, I know you know what's wrong with me...so if it's your will, please heal me" NO!!! I say "Doc, FIX ME!!". To me, it's almost like praying a prayer and at the end asking for God's will to be done that we lack faith. We can't ask for anything from God because we don't know if it's in line with His plan. But go back to Romans, it will be according to His plan. Look up verses on prayer - you see example after example of people praying and God answering their prayers. But when Paul asked God to remove the thorn from his side, He said no. So our prayers don't always go according to planned, but clearly there is a reason to pray, right? I mean, when I was looking up verses on people praying, it's almost sounds like "Because they prayed, they received their answer".

Guys, I know this blog is totally confusing and you're probably messed up in the head right now. I'm not writing this to open up debate with you because honestly, I don't know what I'm thinking. It's a process right now that I'm trying to figure out. Maybe I never will! But I do know one thing, I will never stop praying. Whether you think I speak the right way or not, I know God sees my heart and you can't, so for me, that's enough. He is the one that answers prayers, no one else, so I can find peace in knowing it's not up to anyone on this earth to answer my prayers, I just need God to search my heart. Any advice in this journey would be appreciated though! Kylee - that's a job for you :-)

Finding Contentment

I (Gabe) have been real hard on myself lately. I don't know what it is about my personality, but I think I like it too. I set the bar high for myself in different areas of my life and if I don't live up to it, I'm let down. Everyone else around me thinks what is going on is great, but for some reason, I leave feeling discouraged. There are 2 main areas where I feel like I do this: Ministry and business. Saturday I had my whole business team out to do a product thing for our church and friends around Anderson, our goal was to help raise money for the new building for the Bridge. I was excited because I was going to give 100% of all the profit to the Bridge! Then when it was all over, there wasn't much to throw a party about. I don't get it - I understand people are negative about what I'm doing, but if I was doing cutco or arbonne or any other business system like that, they would be all about it! But because of people involved with us in the PAST like, 70s and 80s, the older generation hates it...which then carries over into today. It's completely different and how we do it is completely different. You'll find bad people in any business endeavor, how come when I am involved in something all I get is bad feedback? I think what is frustrating the most is that I have a friend that just recently got involved (not with me) and now is making a killing at this and doing very well!
So I left that day just asking God, "WHY?!" Why can someone else get started with us and within 12 months be making enough money to pay off all their debt and live a comfortable life? But when I commit myself to this and am wanting to do this to help out the church and support my brother and his family in ministry - how come then nothing happens? When I was selfish about it and wanted it for myself, I saw growth and things happening. There is some disconnect there and I don't understand it. But I know that there is no victory without a struggle. I know that I'm struggling now, but the victory will be so sweet. This is where the contentment comes in....
I went to church the next morning and took my mind off business matters and focused on my job with the church. That service was the best I think we've had. The music, the message, the whole thing was incredible. I had great conversations with kids later in the day about it and so much awesome stuff came from that. I realized that God has me in His hands (not that I didn't know that before), but I felt a real peace about it. Sure, business isn't where I want it to be - but do you see the lives changing right in front of you? God has blessed me so much in the area of ministry and I LOVE what I do. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have to look around me and see that God has not forgotten me, He hasn't taken me out of the picture. But right now, my picture is the Bridge student ministry. He has taken care of me, bills are being paid, I'm able to take my wife on dates, I am even able to throw a lot at debt each month. We aren't behind at all. I tend to overlook that sometimes. I look around me at successful people (financially) and get upset because that was the path I was on before God plucked me out of the crowd and said, "I want you to go this way". I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him. I'm finding contentment with what God has given me. I know that He is doing a great work in me and that my future is bright. I know that God has put a "no-quit" mindset in me and that I will not quit, I will not walk away from what He has put into my life. I need to remember that where I'm at in life is not an accident and His plan is perfect for me. I can't focus on where I'm at right now, I need to know that God sees my life, He knows my future and He has big plans for us. I'm excited to see where He takes it, but in the meantime, I will rest on the fact that He has not forgotten me, He will not let me settle for mediocrity, He will continue to bless my life. I'm challenged daily to look around me and see God in my life and everyday, He surprises me. My prayer is that God will continue to surprise me, that things will happen that the only way to explain it is that God had a part in it. We've seen it with the youth program, but we've only just begun. I know He isn't finished with me at the Bridge, not even close. God, surprise me! Use Libby and me for extraordinary things...I'm ready and I'm excited to see what is about to happen.