This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to speak at the Bridge in the adult services. It's funny when Chris asks me to do this, I always get so nervous and scared. How will it be received? Will people even listen since I'm just the middle school pastor? But every time, God puts something in my heart that needs to be shared. It's never "my" message, it's never stuff that I can come up with, it's always backed by the Holy Spirit just speaking through me. I had in mind the message I wanted to give and as I was getting ready for it, it was like God said, "No, you're not listening to me...I want you to give THIS message". So everything changed.
I got up and shared about the Israelites and their desert experience. I shared my own story of my desert experience. It was something that I struggled to do, I didn't want to do it, but I knew I had to. Very few people in my life actually know what I dealt with in middle school and how I felt about God and my life. As I shared it saturday night, I felt the wave of emotion come over me. I felt those feelings again. I struggled to share it because my family was in the crowd and I know they didn't know that stuff about me. But at the same time, it was a release. It's something I have kept inside all of these years and only a few people have gotten a chance to know that side of me. I wasn't sure why my story was necessary, I'm sure I could've come up with something different to share, but this was it, this was the story of my life that needed to be shared.
After every service, I had someone come up and talk to me. Saturday night, a man came to me that I had never met before and told me that we had the same middle school experience. I got to have a great conversation with him. Sunday morning came and first service is usually rough. Afterward, a middle school student came up to me with tears in his eyes and told me that he needed that. That he was in that desert and it finally all made sense, which then creates a time for us to get together and walk through that together. At the end of the day, a lady came to me and could barely talk as she was crying. She poured out her life to me and shared some things that broke my heart. But what's cool, she shared how my life had intersected her life without me ever knowing it! It's so cool to watch God work. She was connected to the boy that stole our church bus and I was the one that went out to meet the boy when they stole our bus. That's a long story in itself, but as she stood there crying, she told me that she knows God put me through the desert for many reasons, but 1 of them was to impact that boy. I never knew that, I never even thought that. But it was incredible to have someone minister to me after I had just drained myself of all emotion that morning.
One thing I do each week is go into the local junior high (Highland) and have lunch with the kids. Throughout the year, I've realized that ministry as a middle school pastor isn't just for middle schoolers, but it's to those I encounter (everyone!). I talk with the lunch ladies every week, the janitors buy me cookies, I have a great relationship with the staff at the school. This sunday, they all came out. The janitor came up to me and gave me a huge hug afterward and just shared some cool things that encouraged me. Then I got to see the lunch ladies and talk with them. I never thought my time with them would make any difference or do anything, I never even thought I was at the school for them! God does cool stuff.
So here's what I can take away from this weekend. It wasn't about me, I want you to get that. As people came up to me crying, it wasn't me, it was God working in their own life and opening their eyes to what is happening to them. It's so easy to give a message and get the feedback I did and then think, "Dang, I'm good". But I was constantly reminded yesterday that it's not me, it's not my story, it's not what I think I can offer. It's that people want to be drawn to the heart of God, but we're all searching. We're all going through a desert at different times in our life and we want to know that the end is beautiful. As I left this weekend and left all of those conversations, I saw every person as they reflected on their life begin to see the hand of God in their life. As He had their path set and as He guided them through it all, they can finally begin to see how God is working in them! How incredible, how beautiful, how awesome is our God.
The end result of my life, what I want people to get from my life - I want them to see God. I realized this weekend that I really am nothing significant. As much as I want to stand out and be great at something and be the best at something, I am not. But the God that is in me, is great, He is significant and He gives me purpose. My hope, my prayer is that people won't see me, but they see the God that is in me and ultimately are drawn to the heart of God through it all. It's not about me, it never has been. If it was, we would still be in the desert, we would still be lost. It's when you can step aside, drop the pride and allow God to work through your life that you will begin to see how BIG He is, how great He is and how your life can be a tool to impact the kingdom for all eternity. "He must become greater, I must become less" - thankful that I am nothing, but in Christ, I am everything.