This is long overdue, but I think an important part of my spiritual journey that I would like to share. I wasn’t going to blog it because I thought it would take away from the power of the experience, but I know some of you actually read our blog and don’t get a chance to hear our stories and share our lives as frequently as we would all like. So here you go….
This summer, I took our middle school kids to camp at Camp Adventure. There were 172 students out there and I had the responsibility of being the spiritual director. That role means that I create the curriculum for the week, put together small group booklets, give the messages and anything “spiritual” that takes place. On top of that, I am the “in charge” of that week. That’s a lot of responsibility! I was beyond excited for this week at camp. Camp Adventure has a special place in my heart for many reasons – but that’s a whole other book!
Most of you know, I couldn’t even sleep leading up to camp. I was a like a little boy waiting for Christmas to come! But Monday of our camp week hit and I was down. I wasn’t real sure what was going on. All day, people were asking me if I was tired. I just didn’t want to be there. This feeling didn’t make sense. I had looked forward to this week for so long and now it’s here and I just want to leave?! What’s going on?
Well, leading up to this week, I was really struggling with pride. I had told many people in my life that I need prayer for that because I knew it was an issue. I wrote all of the curriculum for camp and put it all together and people thought that I had bought it somewhere. I’m not gonna lie, it was really good stuff! But the problem – I thought it was all me.
God was quick to humble me. That Monday, I went up to my cabin before the evening worship session and just broke down crying. I wasn’t sure why I was crying at first, but then I felt this overwhelming sense of hatred in my life. I have dealt with spiritual attack before, so I am aware that it is a very real thing. But this was unlike anything I had ever experienced. So I posted on facebook just asking that the parents would pray for me because I was feeling this way. Immediately, my phone was blowing up with texts of prayers from the parents, my inbox was being flooded and people were commenting on it. I finally got my composure and went up to the lodge to prepare for the evening. The program manager was up there on her computer checking facebook (which never happens), and she asked how I was. I broke down once again. Then her and her assistant prayed over me, my other directors prayed over me, our interns gathered around me. I find out later, the whole camp staff got together just to pray for me. I was absolutely covered in prayer. As I got up to deliver God’s message I literally felt like 2 men were on either side of me holding me up and my legs were elevated and this presence was within me pouring out the message. I’ve delivered countless messages and never have I had this feeling that I was completely removed. It was so humbling to see that NONE of this was ever about me! I was just the vessel God chose to use. For that, I am grateful and my prayer is that it never again becomes about me, but that I live my life in obedience to God’s call and His will for my life.
The story doesn’t end there. This next thing I am going to share with you might sound weird. If you are like me, I am a very cynical person and when people talk about this stuff, I toss it out the window and think they’re full of it. So I get it if that is how you feel. I was the same way. But I experienced it, I know what happened and it absolutely changed me and changed my relationship with God. It brought this deeper intimacy for Him that has radically rocked my world.
Wednesday night was commitment night. It was the night that I got to explain what a relationship with Christ is all about. So I knew that I needed to pray and get my whole team together to pray over this night. As the other directors were praying over each chair, I went out to the deck that overlooked the woods/lake. I knelt down over this chair and began to pray. I got to the point where I asked God to really speak to me, to SHOW me that this is about Him and that He has full control over this.
Apparently the word “show” has power to it when you ask God for it. This is where you might think it’s weird – but that’s probably because you’ve never had an experience like that. But as I was kneeling there, I was ‘removed’ from my body and was looking out over the lodge where the worship session was going to take place. I saw this swarm of angels – TONS of them – fighting this battle with an evil presence. The angels were not allowing anything to penetrate them and the lodge was under God’s protection. But over it all, I see these hands in the air and this voice say out to me, “See, I win. I ALWAYS win!” Again, I start crying (I was a bit emotional that week). But as I was talking with God, I still felt this weight of something on me and I didn’t know what it was. Again, I step outside of my body. I see myself kneeling over this chair and on top of me was this angel. His whole body was draped over me. On top of him was this evil darkness – I still remember parts of what it looked like – but it was beating on the angel. This presence was trying to beat me, but God sent His protection and it completely covered me and I was unharmed. The weight I felt was the weight of God’s protection.
That night, over 150 students came forward to begin their relationship with Christ or to get their relationship with Him back on track.
We serve a powerful God, who is living and ACTIVE. I notice a trend in my writing about my life. It’s never about me. When I come face to face with my creator, it’s never about my glory – it will always be about Him. But when we get in the way, sometimes He has to remove that veil to show us who we really are and that in the end – HE WINS.
